The World According To Americans
Jul 16, 2008
Why Don’t You Go To The Gym?
Everyone has their reasons for ditching the gym, but what is the most popular excuse? The Onion was good enough to survey millions and millions of gym non-goers to see what their logic was.
And here are the results…
Jul 10, 2008
Fail Dogs
As the worlds leading blogger (I am right?), I feel it is my duty to inform the world of amazing websites when I come across them. I mean we all can’t troll the waves of the internet all day in search of the latest news, gossip and just plain interesting. The latest site that I find to be absolutely hilarious is Fail Dogs. With the simple concept of showing canine failures, the site just doesn’t let you down when it comes to poking fun at mans best friend.
See some more of my favorite examples of four legged failings after the jump.
Jul 10, 2008
America’s #1…In Drug Use
Tired of hearing about how America is going down the tubes? Sure our dollar is almost worthless, our housing market is only kept afloat by wealthy European investors, the stock market is damn near entering a bear market, we are in a 100 year war, our personal freedoms and privacy are being taken away daily and our President, well, he is who he is, but lift your heads up fellow patriots! America is #1 in drug use according to Gawker. Out of 17 nations included in the poll, America rolled them up and smoked them for breakfast! With more than 16% of Americans having tried coke and 42% having tried weed, the rest of the world cannot touch us in our drug fueled victory!
Don’t let this victory go to your heads though, I hear next years competition will be judged on Mexican mud and peyote use. Start training now people!
(AS|D Labs does not condone or recommend the use of illegal substances, regardless of how cool they may be or good they may make you feel)
Jul 2, 2008
Are You A Douchebag?
Like the “I’m too cool to like what is cool” nerds who try to tell you there are 357 genres of indie rock, there is now a handbook to help you understand the many subtle varieties of douchebaggery. The aptly titled “Hot Chicks with Douchebags” is clearly written from the perspective of a wannabe fake tanned Jersey boy who can’t get with any of the chicks on the shore. I know this because the book fails to point out that the women surrounding the douches are them too douches. This will make the perfect book for the dude-douche who can’t seem to land that perfect douche-ette. God help us all!
Check out some great excerpts of the book available on Radar or buy your copy on Amazon.
Damn just writing this gave me that not so fresh feeling. Good thing there is Massengill!
Jul 2, 2008
NYPD And The Mystery Of The Ghost Guns
The NYPD is in hot water for not keeping tabs on confiscated guns. The best part of the story is that the guns miraculously reappear where they should have been after they were originally absent from the spot. It sounds like this might be a case for Scooby Doo!
City auditors requesting access to firearms stored by the police department’s Manhattan Property Clerk Division found that 94 of the 324 weapons they asked to see could not be immediately accounted for or retrieved, some 29% of the sample group. In some cases, the auditors reported that they had to make several trips before the firearms were found.
“When the firearms were found, they miraculously turned up in the exact same spot on the shelf where they had clearly been previously missing,” Mr. Thompson said. “Our review found logbooks with words and numbers crossed out and even papers stapled onto the pages. With this kind of outdated system, it’s little wonder why it has been a dysfunctional process.”
Source: [NY Sun]
Jul 2, 2008
